I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
