dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
