Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
