I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
