Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
