You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
