so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Shitshow foam night was such a success
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
