well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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