I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
