Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
