sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
