New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to calm my uterus...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
