Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
