so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
