Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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