the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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