i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
