dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
