I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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