2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
