Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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