I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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