I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
