What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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