You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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