i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
