The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
