Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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