After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
