how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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