all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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