Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
