Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
