We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
