Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
