THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
