Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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