just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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