so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
