I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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