First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
