My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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