someone threw a dead crab at me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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