I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
