i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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