OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
