My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
