please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
