but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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