What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
