the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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