you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she peed on how many people?
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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