Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
