where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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