i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
