In the future we'll all be gay
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
