Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
