Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
