I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
