i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
