FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
