There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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