I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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