She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
