Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
