Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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