He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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